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*not persevering so much today

October 9, 2011

hello friends,

todays writing may not be very fun or uplifting for you.  be forwarned.

In a nutshell.  I’ve had it.  I’m tired.  I’ve run out of whatever it is you need to keep going.  today…there is nothing left.  I lay on my couch and cry.  It is a stunningly gorgeous day outside.  The sun shines brightly and the air is crisp (not a common occurence in Tucson, az).  you know, the first few days of when the seasons change.  that refreshing change of temperature and air.  I want to be out THERE.

I am exhausted and will not be hiking or even going for a walk.   And i am angry about that.  I am sad about that.  I am broken today.  I just want to be better.   Soon, can i please be better?

I am so tired of this diet.  this exhaustion.  this path.  it is an old tired story.  i know that in reality, it’s just today.  it’s not every day.   and it’s very possible that tomorrow will be better.  but right now….right now i am here.  and i am so very tired of HERE.  i’ve had my fill of HERE.

i need to go grocery shopping and   i have no energy for it.  but i must go because i have no vegetables, no nothing in the fridge.   i am cold.  a common symptom that seems to revisit me with a venegence.  when i go out i have to bundle up like i’m in the arctic.  the grocery store is always like being in a freezer.  so the venture out should be less than rewarding.  on the upside, i’ll  have food.  on the down side, i will then have to cook it.  when i get back from the store all i will want to do is lie down.  there will be no energy for cooking.  but i will have to.  and it’s that.   it’s that HAVING to push through what is already complete exhaustion that gets so very old.

i am presenting to you today a BAD day in all the days of heavy metal detox.   it is a very real and tiring thing.  there are less of them these days than there used to be.  however, when they come around, they are a force to be reckoned with.  best to just submit.  for now.  be it’s friend.  hold it’s hand and say  “alright bad day you got me.”

good luck with this friendship.  tis better than being enemies.

rest up.



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